I have a new e-book out! Freshly published, Maid Marian’s Missions is an erotic short story with characters from the Robin Hood legend as you’ve never seen them before. The title doesn’t lie: Maid Marian is in there. And you’ll also find that sly marksman and stealer of the rich and giver to the poor, Robin Hood—as well as Prince John and Friar Tuck.
So … what is this story about? Good question!
In her mission, Maid Marian bravely approaches Prince John to try to persuade him to lower taxes for the good people of Nottingham.
But things don’t exactly go according to plan. Maid Marian could never have anticipated the events of that night with Prince John, and then the next day as she lays low in Sherwood Forest, in the worry of being pursued by the prince’s minions.
Arousal is in the air as spring warms the earth after winter’s cold clutches. Also, Beltane night looms. This is the pagan ritual at the end of April to celebrate the union of the Beltane God with the Goddess, to rejoice in the arrival of spring and bless the land’s fertility. The next day is May Day, when the villagers dance around the Maypole. But before that happens, there will be dancing with poles of another sort (sorry for the bad pun, but it had to be done).
In this story, you’ll find group sex, one-on-one sex, a saucy limerick, a daring escape, lively arguments, appreciation of the natural world, and wonderful orgasms.
This short story (15,124 words) is a work of erotic fiction meant for mature readers only who are aged 18 years and older.
This ebook is FREE for a few days from Smashwords. After Sunday, it’ll cost $1.29, so go on and get it while it costs absolutely nothing!
Now for a nice, lengthy excerpt from the story:
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Maid Marian’s Missions (excerpt)
The feast could have fed all of Nottingham, but these pigs did not care one fig. They sloppily ate with nary a charitable thought—or even manners. This pig gnawed on venison. That pig slurped wine. Yet another one picked his teeth with a swan’s bones.
Marian looked at the pigs sitting around the castle’s banquet hall, and her stomach twisted with revulsion. These people were dressed in the finest cloths, but they could not hide the fact that they were actually pigs underneath. The sweet lute music could not drown out their noisy eating. Nor could the juggler with his red balls distract her from the vile orgy of over-consumption.
What if the villagers were here instead of these pigs? Marian wondered. It was easy for her to imagine the good people of Nottingham in a long line leading to the banquet table. Each peasant could pluck a few morsels then move along, so the next fellow and lady could also enjoy some. They would take just enough. That’s all. Not like these pigs. The line of townsfolk would stretch through the doorway, wind through the castle, and out to the village. The abundance of meats, cheeses, pastries, and breads could surely have fed all of them.
“Why, Marian, you’ve hardly touched your meal!”
The booming voice cracked her fantasy like greasy hands cracking a vulture’s bone. No question where the voice came from. The head pig sat only a few seats away from her. Prince John, with his merry eyes and neatly trimmed beard on chubby cheeks. Bedecked in more finery than anyone else there. He wore more jewelry than any maid that Marian had ever seen, in fact. Disgust gurgled in her stomach. Yet again.
“My thoughts are full of other interests,” Marian said. “Could we discuss your taxes now?”
“Dear little Marian.”
She tried hard not to glare at him for this condescending name.
Prince John looked amused as he continued: “Does this look like a good time for business?” He waved his hand over the table that was burdened with sumptuous foodstuffs.
Laughs were expelled by the other piggies.
“Wait ’til after we sup,” John said. “Business is unhealthy for digestion. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Here, here,” the piggies murmured.
“I suppose it can wait,” she replied.
“Aye, there’s the spirit. Now, eat and be merry!”
“Huzzah!” someone called out.
Sighing, she reminded herself to be patient. An ambassador for the meek and poor had to be patient. The townsfolk depended on her. Even if Robin thought she was on a fool’s errand. He had given up on diplomacy long ago. He lacked the patience for talking, and he chose action instead. Marian could understand his decision, in light of diplomacy frequently being mind-numbing and frustrating. And frequently not leading to the hoped-for result. But, still, it had to be tried.
Someone clapped twice in rapid succession, and the lute stopped playing. Serving boys brought wooden platters piled high with tarts, custards, and cakes. Greasy fingers dove into the sugary excess.
They look delectable, Marian thought. Wait. Hold yourself. You should stay hungry. Just as many villagers go hungry. And all because of this pig’s high taxes. Hunger will keep your mind sharp.
A man dressed in garishly colored garments approached the head table. He bowed and said, “Sire, we have a new play written expressly for your pleasure.”
“For our pleasure?” Prince Pig replied. Again his voice boomed about the hall. “Then we hope to be quite pleased! If not … how are your skills at emptying chamber pots?”
The actor’s face paled. “I would rather not find out, m’lord.”
“Then go! Play for us!”
The actor scurried away. A hush fell upon the room as the pigs quieted down so as to hear the play.
A man holding leafy branches walked to the middle of the hall. He raised his branches, so that he resembled a tree. Two actors, dressed as hunters, appeared. Their bows held arrows tipped with soft-looking balls instead of sharp points. The hunters seemed to be sneaking up on something as they approached the man pretending to be a tree, and they seemed to be using the pretend tree as cover. The tree actor tickled his leaves on the head of one of the hunters.
“Oh!” cried the hunter. “What was that? Evil spirits?”
“Nonsense,” said the second hunter. “Don’t be a child.”
This could be entertaining. At least it’ll be better than watching the pigs eat. Marian shifted in her chair and, without thinking, picked up a tart and was quite pleased on how delicious the cherries inside tasted.
Again, the tree actor tickled the worried hunter with a branch, and he squealed. Chuckles scattered from the audience.
“Would you calm down?” scolded the second hunter in mock exasperation. “We’ll never catch turkeys with you screaming and carrying on.”
The tree actor shook his leaves on the two hunters, and this time both of the hunters squealed loudly in faked fright. The pigs roared with laughter at the hunters scampering around.
Finally, a hush returned as the hunters stopped. One hunter said, “‘Twas only the wind. Crimey. Look.” He pointed across the hall, where another actor stood wearing a hood with deer antlers.
“A beautiful creature,” said one hunter.
“Aye,” replied the other, “but it is against the law to hunt deer. They’re only for the royals.”
Prince Pig grunted approvingly.
Suddenly, another man tiptoed to the center of the hall. Right between the hunters and the pretend deer. This new actor was dressed in green and a feathered cap. He first glanced right and left, and then he raised his bow and aimed an arrow at the pretend deer. His arrow did not have a soft tip like those carried by the duo of hunters. It appeared to be a normal arrow tip.
A hunter in the duo raised his hand next to his mouth in a gesture meant to convey a secret. “‘Tis Robin Hood,” he said in a loud, emphasized tone meant to be a whisper. “A much better catch for us than a turkey.”
“Truer words have never been uttered,” whispered his companion.
The two hunters shot their arrows. Both hit the fake Robin with their tips of soft balls, and he theatrically fell over.
“Oh,” pretend Robin croaked. “I die, I die! Alone, I die!”
The pigs cheered, with Prince John the loudest.
Marian couldn’t believe her eyes or ears. Preposterous! She nearly yelled a protest, then bit her lip. Stay your tongue. How can you persuade the prince if you anger him? If only King Richard was sitting in that chair. He wouldn’t allow this nonsense. Not him. He has more kindness than all these pigs put together. Lion hearted and kind hearted. More of a man than any around here.
The actors bowed and departed, then a bumbling jester took over the entertainment. But his antics were lost on Marian. She was busy worrying about Robin’s safety. Could he end up killed like in the play? A possibility, but it was more likely that he’d be caught and thrown in a dungeon, left there to rot. How long until that happened? Or worse, not be left to rot in a dungeon, but instead be dragged to the village square and hanged so that all could witness? These pigs would cheer and clap just as hard at Robin’s hanging. The cherry tart in Marian’s mouth lost its flavor.
I could save him. I could persuade the prince to reduce taxes. Robin won’t steal any more. He won’t be in danger. I must do all I can to persuade the prince.
“Dear Marian,” a voice said. A hand rested on her shoulder.
Prince John was above her. Behind her. His eyes danced with mirth. “We shall listen to your business now. Come, follow us.”
She nodded and took in a deep breath as she stood up. With Marian by the prince’s side, they wound through the castle’s halls. Prince John yammered on about his hunt when he had killed a deer. Marian was thankful for the two lady attendants following them, so they were not alone.
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Want to read more? Head on over to Smashwords, where you can get this ebook FREE through Sunday. If you’d rather get it from Amazon, it’s available there for the Kindle (at $1.29). And it’s also available at Barnes & Noble for the Nook (at $1.29).